Fiancé thinks he knows more than our pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I am engaged to be married. My fiance is 22 years old. We attend the same church and we want to go through premarital counselling.

Our pastor is not married, so my fiance says he would prefer not to go to him for counselling. Our pastor is 30 years old. My fiance says that he believes that he knows more about sex than the pastor. He wonders how can the pastor talk to him about sex when he is not supposed to have any experience in that area?

I love and respect our pastor, and I told my fiance that I believe he would be very disappointed if we do not engage him to do premarital counselling. Do you agree with my fiance? I must say that I do not support him. Isn't it true that the Apostle Paul was not married? Yet, look at the many things he said about marriage and sex. Many couples have used his instructions.

I have friends who went to Catholic schools who love the nuns - they talk about them and respect them, but these women are not married. Do you agree with my fiance?

K.R.

Dear K.R.,

I hope your fiance and you would not continue to fight about who should counsel you before you get married.

Both of you know that it is important to do sessions in premarital counselling. I know some excellent counsellors who have never been married, but I would add quickly that there are advantages in having a person who is married to be your counsellor. Let me explain what I mean. In premarital counselling, there are many things that the counsellor discusses, apart from sex. He/she talks about finance, which covers things such as your income, your savings, your debts and your pension.

A good counsellor would want to know whether you understand how to make a budget, and why it is important to have a budget. He/she will discuss with you the number of children you plan to have. The counsellor will talk about your in-laws and whether you plan to live with any of them after you are married. Your friends are also a big topic in counselling, so sex is only a part of premarital counselling. But it must be discussed. One session is not enough. A counsellor who is single might not be able to answer all the questions that should be discussed, such as techniques. Perhaps you can make a compromise with your fiance. You can suggest that you do part of the counselling with your pastor and part with a trained marriage counsellor. I believe that will solve the problem. Suggest it to your fiance and send me feedback.

Pastor