Husband thinks sex will hurt our unborn child

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 and pregnant. This is my first child. Before I got married to my babyfather, he was living with a woman for over five years, but was unable to impregnate her.

They finally broke up, then he met me at church and we fell in love. He is 40. Some of the people who knew him when he was living with the other woman have been telling him that he might not be the person who got me pregnant. They wonder how come I got pregnant by him and he could not get the other woman pregnant. I know that I have not gone with another man since I got married to my husband. He is very proud of me.

Whenever I have to go to the doctor, he accompanies me. He does not even allow me to drive. I have learnt that even Christians can say some very nasty things about other Christians. He told me that he does not listen to what people are saying about us. I am glad he doesn't, but it bothers me because I am trying to be a good and faithful woman to my husband. This man does not even want a mosquito to touch me. He does so much around the house, and he keeps telling me that I should rest.

On the matter of having sex, there are times that I want to do it with my husband, but he says that we should not do anything that will hurt the baby. The doctor told me that the baby will not get hurt if I have sex. But my husband still says that he does not want anything to happen. I know that he reads your column every day and whatever you say, he will accept. So I am looking forward to your response soon.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

I am glad that your husband is a happy man. I am glad that he was able to impregnate you.

I do hope that people in and outside of your church, including relatives, would mind their own business. Perhaps some of them are jealous of you. Perhaps they wanted this man and he rejected them and got married to you. Yes, some Christians say very nasty things about others. The Bible says that the tongue is a little instrument that cannot be easily tamed. So, learn to ignore what they say about you.

Your husband should know that both of you can enjoy sex until the doctor advises you that it is not safe to do so. If you suffer discomfort, then you should tell your doctor about it. I will not go into the positions that a couple should try to enjoy sex. Suffice to say that your husband should be made aware that having sex with you will not hurt the child. Both of you should learn how to satisfy each other by engaging in different positions. Talk to your gynaecologist about these things. There are so many positions that you can practise that will not hurt the pregnancy. Sexual intercourse can take place until a few weeks before birth.

I remember a dear lady told me that even just a few weeks before giving birth, she begged her husband to have sex with her but he refused. She cursed and carried on and he said, "Alright, let's do it." As soon as he discharged, she went into labour and had to be rushed to the hospital. But she thought that was fun. I will consider that too much fun. I wish your husband and you well. Let me hear from you after you have given birth.

Pastor