My wife doesn’t respect me as man of the house

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 years old and my wife is 24. We are both Christians. I married this lady because I got her pregnant and we were in the Church.

So as soon as she discovered that she was pregnant, we arranged a wedding and got married. I did not want her stomach to show. She was not a very devout Christian. She was newly converted and became a member of the church. After we got married and started living together, she did not want to come to the table for devotion. I had to force her. She said that she could have her devotion by herself. I told her that as the head of the house, she should listen to me. She said that was one of the things that she didn't like about Christianity, because a woman always has to follow what the man says. She questioned why the man couldn't follow the woman sometimes.

We have a lovely baby girl and I am trying my best to help my wife take care of her, but it is hard. I know I was wrong to get this woman pregnant before we got married, and sometimes I wonder whether the good Lord is punishing me for the wrong that I have done. My wife has not yet gone back to work, but when I come home, diner is not ready and she has no excuse for not cooking because I have made provisions. All she has to do is to take care of the child.

What is the problem, Pastor? I feel unhappy with this woman. She says that I fuss too much. Please give me some advice as a young married man.

F.M.

Dear F.M.,

I would like to suggest to you that you should give your wife more time to adjust to you.

You should remember that both of you did not undergo counselling before you got married. When you realised that she was pregnant, you hurriedly married her to try to cover up that both of you had premarital sex. So although you are now married and have a child, both of you should consider going to see a counsellor. Take all your problems to him or her and discuss them.

Yes, it is true, that your wife should listen to you as the head of the house, but until she is convinced that both of you should meet for Bible study together, don't try to insist. Allow her to do her Bible reading and prayer on her own. Not meeting with you does not mean that she doesn't love you. But you ought to find out from your wife why she does not prepare your meals since she is not burdened with work. You say that you have made provisions. If you think that there are times that she is very tired, you may purchase something and take home and let her know that she doesn't have to cook for that day.

I hate to think that your wife does not respect you. Good women look forward to seeing their husbands come home and to have a hot meal prepared for them.

Pastor