Think my mother might be a lady of the night

Dear Pastor,

I am 14 years old. I am living with my mother and grandmother. They are always at each other because my grandmother is a Christian woman, but my mother goes out at nights.

My grandmother said that she is ashamed to call her her daughter, because my mother is selling herself to men. She said that all she does is sleep during the days and then dress up and go out at nights. My grandmother told my mother that she is tired of talking to her and it is only because she wouldn't want her to get killed by any of these men why she hasn't asked her to leave.

My mother is a pretty woman and I am sure that she can get jobs. But she does not want to go out and get jobs because according to my grandmother, it is easier for her to give every man her 'front'. I am not in need of anything. My mother buys everything for me and I have two aunts who send me clothes and money. I have my own room and my own television. I am also doing well in school. I would like to be a nurse. My grandmother talks to me about everything.

There is a man in the community who likes me, and I told my grandmother about him. She went to him and told him to take his eyes off me. She told me that this guy does not come from a good family; they are thieves and robbers. The guy does not call me any more. Sometimes I think of talking to my mother about what my grandmother and her talk about. I know it is not good for my mother to be having so many different men, but I am afraid that she would insult me.

S.P.

Dear S.P.,

First of all, I want to believe that your mother is not naive. She should know that at your age, you would suspect that she is a lady of the night.

She also knows that you are aware that your grandmother has either told you that she is a prostitute or that you have heard them arguing over your mother's lifestyle. I do not see why at 14, you couldn't ask your mother where she works. And why couldn't she give you a straight answer? If she is working in a club, she should be able to say that she is working in a club. If she is a prostitute and she is beating the street, she might not want to tell you that.

I suggest therefore, that you ask your grandmother whether it is wise for you to ask your mother where she works and what type of work she does. Do whatever your grandmother suggests.

Pastor