Don’t think I’m good at sex

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old woman and I recently got married. My husband is 31 years old. I am trying to get pregnant.

My husband has two children before he married me. When I met him and he introduced the topic of marriage to me, I was not interested because I have always told myself that I wanted my husband to be closer to my age - not more than four or five years older. Every young man who I met in my age group were flirts; they always had other women. I could not deal with that.

When I met my husband, he told me that he used to have many women, but he has stopped. He also told me about his two children who he has with two different women. The children are two and three years old. I told him I would be a stepmother to them, but not if their mothers are 'available'. He told me that he did not want his children to live with us, so that settled the problem. The mothers of these children do not like me. According to them, I took away their man. Each one gets $10,000 to take care of the children every week. One of them told him recently that the money is not enough. He told her that he knows that it is enough because he had discussed it with his sister who is an attorney, and she told him that the mothers would not get more if they go to court over maintenance. My husband is a young businessman and he is doing very well financially.

I am attending university. I was fortunate to get a scholarship, so I am no burden to my husband. I want to ask you a question. Whenever my husband and I are making love, he tries to stimulate me with his hands. We do a lot of foreplay, but it takes me a long time to be ready for sex. I can see that he gets frustrated, and he discharges long before me. When I do not have an orgasm, he uses other means to get me to experience orgasm.

Do you believe that something might be wrong with me?

C.A.

Dear C.A.,

I am glad that you met a man you love and that both of you are getting along fine. He is approximately 10 years older, but that should not be a problem at all.

You should ignore what his children's mothers are saying about you. This man has stopped running around with women and he is supporting his children very well. Ten thousand dollars per week for each child is reasonable. These women are greedy. I am sure your husband pays their doctor bills and other expenses.

I am not sure if I fully understand why you find it difficult to experience orgasm. Your husband spends time in foreplay. But remember that you too must play your part in foreplay. You must respond and that would cause you to experience orgasm much easier. It is joy to a husband to know that he can bring his wife to orgasm during sex without having to apply manual stimulation, so to speak.

I believe that your husband and you need to talk. If I have missed what you are trying to say, please call me on the phone and discuss it. Call me when your husband is with you, so I could speak to him also. Or you may make an appointment to discuss the matter with a sex therapist or a marriage counsellor.

Pastor