Cousin taught me everything about sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and I am married, but I am struggling. I am very unhappy. When I was younger, I always wanted to be married.

I dreamt of having a good man in my life. When I was 19, I had my first sexual experience and it was with one of my cousins. We lived as if we were lovers. He was always available to me whenever I wanted him. We lived close to each other. I love my cousin so much that I often had to remind myself that we are related. He was my uncle's son. He taught me everything about sex. He had a girlfriend and, when she left to study in Canada, I was the happiest girl. Some of the things this man and I did together, I cannot put them in writing. But what I enjoyed the most is oral sex. He told me that he learnt how to do that well from his teacher. This man used to bring me to orgasm by having oral sex with me. Even when I became a Christian, I could not stop having sex with my cousin.

I joined a church and I got married to a much older man one year later. My husband got boring; I tried to play with him 'down there', but he told me he didn't like it. I tried to get him to touch me where I wanted, and he said that I needed to be sanctified. He threatened to report me to the pastor. I told him that he should not report me, but what he should do is to introduce me to one of his friends, because I need a man. My husband does not have any sexual common sense. I have found myself having sex with two other brethren from the church, who are both married to women in the church. My husband does not even know that they are having sex with me. It is not that I want to do it, but I have been sexually starved. My cousin left for Canada to join his girlfriend. One of these men has a very large tool but it fits me just fine. I beg you not to condemn me.

I told my husband that I would like a divorce and he said that he does not believe in that and my problem is I am too damn bad. We do not have children. Sometimes when I go home, I am just in my underwear to entice my husband, but he doesn't even play with me. I want you to tell me what I should do before I go crazy.

K.N.

Dear K.N.,

I regret hearing that you are not enjoying being married. You started to have sex before you were married, but it is regrettable that your partner was your cousin.

Evidently, he was very experienced when it came to sex. He took you to great heights in sex and you will always remember what both of you did. According to the tone of your letter, it went on for a long time until he left for Canada. You went into church and you found a man; you thought that your sex problems would have stopped, but your husband has not given you sexual satisfaction. That is indeed very sad. The Bible says a man must satisfy his wife, and vice versa. The bedroom belongs to the man and his wife and, when this man told you that he was going to complain to your pastor, he was talking rubbish.

As I answer this letter, I am wondering whether you could not think of doing something else to satisfy yourself instead of getting involved with two other men from the church. You will never be fully happy seeing these men and having a yearning for them. No wonder you are threatening to divorce your husband. I would say to you right now, tell your husband that you would like both of you to go to a family counsellor, because your marriage will eventually end if your husband does not change his attitude towards you and if you fail to quit getting involved with other women's husbands. I will say more to you in a separate communication.

Pastor