Didn’t know my boyfriend was a married man

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old and I have never been married. I have two sisters who are married and have children.

I have been in relationships, but they have never worked. The last man I was going with never told me that he was married. I tried to give this relationship my all, only to get a call from a woman asking me to leave her husband alone. I was very surprised. This man went with me everywhere. I showed up with him to different events and introduced him as my fiance. When I got the call from a woman telling me to leave her husband, I could not believe it because my parents and my siblings knew him to be my man. I could not figure out how he was married yet he was spending so much time with me.

We went to America together and attended events. There were times when I allowed him to drive my car. We did everything together. Now, I hate this man like poison. How could I have allowed myself to be tricked? I am not only hurt, but I am angry. I don't need anybody in my life. I went for counselling and the counsellors - one male, the other female - told me that I should forgive myself for my mistakes. But how can I forgive myself? I am an educated woman. I never thought of myself as a fool. The only thing that I did not allow this man to do was get me pregnant. He used my money, and I did not have any problem in allowing him to do so.

This man was not only married, but he has two children. When I asked him why he had to lie to me, he told me that the more he got to know me was the more he felt that he would hurt me if he told me the truth. I begged his wife to forgive me, and it hurt deeply when she told me that I am not the only woman this man has lied to. She said she is convinced that he is a sick man. He is a smooth talker. I have destroyed everything this man gave me.

I do not believe that I can trust another man in my life. Where do I go from here? I hope his children will not follow in his footsteps. I know them, they are lovely boys.

Initials Withheld.

Dear Writer,

I would like to know what this man wanted from you. Was it just sex? What was he lacking at home that caused him to be so cruel to you?

He had his wife. She was his companion, so what do you believe this man was lacking? What words can I really use to describe this man? He is indeed iniquitous. He is a snake. I will tell you the truth - it would take many years for you to get over what he has done to you. It is said that time heals, but in your case, many, many years would have to roll by before you receive healing of your mind. But I still believe that in God's own time; you will find a good man. Leave everything to God.

Pastor