Sleeping with my mom’s boss

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and I am having a relationship with a man who is in his 70s. It started when I was 19.

I lived in a depressed neighbourhood. My father did not take care of me, so my mother was always struggling to help me. I met this man when I went to pay a bill. He asked me if I was still attending school and I told him no, but I would like to go back to school. After I paid the bill, we chatted as if we knew each other for a long time.

This man told me that he had six children with four different babymothers. When I went home, I told my mother about him because he said he would like to know me better. We spoke on the phone every day and he invited me to his house. I met two of his children. His son is my age but his daughter is older. The man also had a housekeeper. One day when he took me back to the house, his housekeeper asked me my age and I told her. She told me I was too young for this man. I told the man what she said and he told me I should not have told her my age. He fired her and I blamed myself for that.

His daughter does not like me. She told me that I got involved with her father because of his money. That was partly true because I wanted to get out of the ghetto. He employed my mother to be his housekeeper, but his daughter didn't like that idea. My mother used to go home every day until he told me that he would like her to live in and I could stay with her. He and I started to sleep together and he promised my mother that he would protect me. When his daughter realised that we were sleeping together, she asked me why I do not go back to where I am from.

When my mother cooks, the daughter refuses to eat and this man told her that he was going to propose to me and he doesn't care what people will say. I am wearing an engagement ring, but we are not yet married. He gives me money every week to buy whatever I want for myself. He pays my mother $20,000 per week. This man wants to get me pregnant, but I am holding out against that. I would love to become a nurse, then I can think about getting pregnant. Do you think this man is too old for me? Wherever we go, he tells people that I am his niece. His daughter and I don't say much to each other. I cannot leave this man. I am very comfortable living with him.

B.R.

Dear B.R.,

You have said that your mother is now working for the man who is your lover.

Your mother is now his housekeeper because he fired his former housekeeper who asked you certain questions and you answered her honestly. But the man told you that you should not have divulged anything about yourself to her, so he fired her and has employed your mother.

His daughter who lives with him has refused to eat what your mother cooks, and now you are openly sleeping with this man. He has fathered six children, but his desire is to impregnate you. Evidently, he is a man of means, but you are not prepared to allow him to get you pregnant and you are with him because you know what he is capable of doing for you. Of course, his own daughter told you that she knows that you are with her father to get financial help from him.

I don't know if you realised that you have placed yourself in a very messy situation. Perhaps this man is proud to have you as his woman. If he gets you pregnant, you will not be as free to do what you want. Evidently his daughter is very unhappy to see her father having a sexual relationship with you. But this man is fully supporting you and he is paying your mother to take care of the house. If you get careless, he will get you pregnant. You want to be a nurse, but you have not said if you have the passes that will qualify you to go into nursing.

You may not like what I am about to say, but please, end the relationship with this man. Your hand is in the lion's mouth; take time and pull it out. Many of my readers may not agree with me, but get yourself a job and apply for a loan to attend nursing school. Try your very best to become an independent woman.

Pastor