Pregnant for a worthless man


January 22, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I have a 10-year-old daughter.

Currently, I am with a guy who I knew long before I got pregnant.

He was always trying to be with me, so I decided to give him a chance. The guy started paying my rent and I paid the other bills. Sometimes he would do grocery shopping.

He has three children. He told me that he wanted us to get married and have one child together; I said yes, but not now.

A few months later, I realised that I was pregnant. He intentionally did it because I used to insist that he use condoms. I told him and he was so happy.

But I was scared. When I was four months pregnant, it felt like we weren't having a relationship. He changed. He started telling me that he needed a car. I told him not until after the baby was born.

He stopped supporting me, and when I talked to him about his actions, he would get vex. It stressed me out.

One day, he asked if I could take out a loan and lend him and he would pay it back. I told him that I would think about it. He started to get upset

So, I decided not to. He continued to pressure me to borrow the money. I told him that I was not helping any man buy any car to show off with other girls and leave me walking. He said that was not going to happen and that the car was for the baby.

I kept asking when he was going to buy the baby's clothes and he ignored me. One day, I called him to ask about the baby stuff. He told me they were not as important as the car.

I began to cry because I couldn't believe he said that to me.

I decided to buy the things for the baby myself. Eventually, he got the car himself.

I am eight months pregnant and he still hasn't bought anything for the baby. Everything is all about the car.


One day, he visited me and we sat in the car talking, his phone rang and he refused to answer. I looked at the name and saw that it was a girl whose name kept popping up on his phone often. He answered and by the sound of things, they were involved.

Before I became pregnant, I asked his mother about that girl because he spoke about her a lot. He said they were cousins, and his mother said they were.

So I let it pass. But, I still couldn't understand how they were so close.

Pastor, even though I am entering nine months pregnancy, he still hasn't bought anything for the baby. One day, while I went shopping, a lady approached me and started telling me all kinds of things about him (my boyfriend). I believed her because she told me things that only he and I know.

She even told me that his mother condones all his deceitful matters, and the 'cousin' is really one of the women he's involved with.

Pastor, he has two teenage daughters. I heard that some of these young girls who he takes home are not older than his daughters. I feel sick to my stomach.

Pastor, after I have this baby, I am planning to do the most despicable things to him. He's going to know what pain feels like. Every day I sit and plan what to do. What must I do? Please, pray for me.


Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that this man has turned his back on you. I doubt very much that it's just because of the car. Evidently, this man is just tired of you.

I hope that you will be able to get yourself a better job after you have given birth so that you would be able to continue to support yourself and your children. I don't know how you are planning to hurt this man.

But remember that you ought not to do anything stupid and get yourself into trouble. If after giving birth this man does not support his child, then you should take him to court for child support.

Do not try to do anything that is illegal. I pray God that you will get money to pay your rent.

Make sure you read your Bible and pray and go to church. If you feel depressed at any time, go and talk to a family counsellor or good female friend who is much older than you.


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