Don’t think my man has any use

February 07, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am 60 years old. My husband died five years ago, so I am now seeing another man. He is 65. We attend the same church. This man was never married, but he has 10 children.

He lives alone and I visit him almost every day because we live close to each other. When I visited his house for the first time, I was surprised at how the place was kept clean. He has a day's worker. She goes to his house twice per week. She takes care of his clothes and cleans the house. She also cooks for him. She cooks enough to last him for two days. He helps himself otherwise.

He has come to my house for Sunday dinner. He does not eat much. He drinks a lot. He likes his Irish moss and carrot juice. I live in my own home. He is a very good electrician, but he does not have to work anyxmore. I was picking his brain to find out if he has good savings and, to my surprise, he has more money than I do. I told him that he must have robbed a bank to have all that money. One day when I went to his place, he had the proof to show me that he was not a pauper. I did not know that two of his children are working with a well-known institution and they have his money invested.

This man asked me if I would consider marrying him and I told him yes. He is very smart. He told me that his property and his money are for his children. I told him I will not marry him for his money, but I hope that, as a good man, he would give me some of it. He told me that I shouldn't want any of it because I have mine.

What concerns me is that I do not know whether he 'has any use'. I have tried to entice him, but he is not responding. One day, I asked him if he is alright 'down there'. He told me I was rude and I should not be in a hurry to know. He said he has done lots of that and, if he can't do any for the rest of his life, he would go on living.

Pastor, I don't look my age and nothing is wrong with me. I hope I am not wasting my time with this man. This man also has a nice car and it is fairly new. He has over $10 million in investment. Don't you think that he is doing well? I have some investments, but not that much. We are still getting to know each other, but I am getting anxious to marry him because I don't intend to live a single life until I die.


Dear R.L.,

Why can't you just enjoy the company of this man and allow the relationship to grow? This man is surely not a fool. He is reading you very well.

If you were younger, he would think that you were a gold-digger. Your husband left you in a home and this man has a lovely home too. It is well kept. His day's worker takes good care of the place; he also gets his clothes washed and his meals cooked. If you play your cards right, it is likely that this man will marry you. But you should remember that he is not in a hurry to get married. Men who have never been married, after they have passed 50, are not in a hurry to do so.

You found out that the man has plenty of money in investments. You should know that his children will be watching his money and, if they see any radical movement, such as a big withdrawal, they will ask him about it. Wise men always discuss money matters with their children. I am sure that this man has wondered why you wanted to know his financial situation. I am not saying that if you were in a serious relationship with this man that you ought to know, but an intelligent man would run from a woman who is crazy over his financial status. He would question her motive.

Concerning what you have said about the man's physical ability, I know exactly what you are thinking. You are wondering why he is not 'fast on the draw' and why he has not yet gone to bed with you. You are in too much of a hurry. Judging from the number of letters that I receive from women in your age group, I am wondering why you women think that something is wrong with men who do not bed you soon after they get to know you. I hope I am wrong. Although you gave the man the impression that you are not after his money, if you are so eager to get into his pants, you are going to be hoping that he will give you money soon after he has got to know you in that way.


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