Boyfriend says I shouldn’t wear pants

February 02, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian young lady and I grew up in a certain church. I was christened and confirmed, but I have a boyfriend and he does not like my church. He is 23 years old and I am 19.

I invited him to my church and he came, but he did not like what he saw and heard. He described my church as 'society church'. He goes to a church where they speak in tongues. I visited his church and I left with a headache. I could not stand the noise. When they gave the altar call, two of their ladies came to me and they were forcing me to walk to the altar, but I did not move. My boyfriend told me after the service that I embarrassed him, and I should have stepped forward. I told him that I will not embarrass him any more, because I will not go back to his church. He said it was because I was afraid of the world why I was saying these things.

He has not stopped harassing me. I wear pants to school because I am attending university. He said women should not wear pants, and mine are too tight. He said that if we were to get married, these are the things I would have to stop doing. Sometimes I braid my hair and he says that I look too artificial. This man wants me to look like an old woman, and he is only 23 years old. I don't know what has gone wrong with me, but I still like him.

His mother has a car and he has access to it, so sometimes he picks me up and we stop and have chicken. He introduced me to his mother and she was very nice to me. She is a teacher and she encourages me to study hard. His mother does not attend church. She has seen me twice and has not condemned the way I dress. I have told him that if he does not like the way I look, he should leave me alone because I am not changing my religion or the way I dress. Is it wrong for a female to wear pants or to braid her hair?


Dear C.P.,

Perhaps this young man means well, but he is carried away by his religion. I don't want you to be worried over what he says. You invited him to your church and he was very critical of the people. Your church is too boring for him and he declared that he will not return. What did he mean when he said your church is a society church? He is a faultfinder. From where did he get the teaching that a woman should not wear pants? If a woman wants to braid her hair, she has that freedom.

This guy and you are unequally yoked. He shouldn't try to force you into following the rules of his church. I don't blame you for not visiting it again. Stay where you are. Don't make yourself unhappy because a man tells you that he loves you. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to end the relationship with him. You are not even married and he wants to tell you what to do. He is out of order.


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