I can’t get over this girl

February 01, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I have a girlfriend who is 21 years old. I am 25. I met her when she was 20. She is living with her parents. When I met her, she was not working and I got a job for her. We used to talk every day. My friends were her friends. I started to send her back to school. She went to school for two terms and then stopped. When I asked her why she stopped attending school, she gave me different reasons that didn't make sense to me.

To my surprise, my girlfriend got involved with another man. I asked her about it and she said I am too jealous; the man is just a friend. She became so very busy, doing what I don't know. And then one day we had a serious argument and she told me that she didn't owe me anything and she believes that we should take a break from each other.

We were living together so I asked her what does that mean, and she said she is going to move out and go back to her parents and I could stay where I am. She insisted that she needed a break from me because I was watching her too much.

I came home from work and she was gone. She did not even leave a skirt or pants in the house. I called her and asked her if that is what she really wants. She said she told me that she needs a break. So I said to her it seem to me that it is more than a break. She said I could call it that. I could not sleep so I called her back and when she answered she told me that she was at her boyfriend's house, so I should stop calling her number. She said that when she is ready she would call me, but she is taking a break.

I can't get over this girl.

One of her close friends told me that she met a white man and he has offered to marry her and to take her to Germany. Her friend said I should not let her know that she told me. I have not heard from this girl again. I wasted my money on her. I am seeing another girl now, but I don't love her as much as I love this one who has left me. I would like to hear from you what I should do.


Dear J.M.,

I can't tell you that I am sorry this girl has left you, perhaps you should be glad that she has gone about her business. Without a doubt, you loved her and you meant well for her. You wanted the relationship to work and you wanted her to get an education, but she saw you as a poor man, and she wanted more than just a man. She wanted money. When she told you that she wanted a break, you should have gotten the message that she wanted to leave you.

Most times when women tell men that they need a break, they are saying that they want to end the relationship that they are having. So if you have cried over this lady, you should stop the crying now because if she should come back to you she will only be doing so to use you. The relationship is broken up.

Whether the man that she is with is white or black that is not significant. Sometime ago I was in Germany and many of the women in Germany love black men. Some black men have gone there and have wrecked themselves. You don't know that this relationship that this woman is having will last, but if it doesn't last don't allow her to use you any more. Wish her well.

You have met another woman and you know that she loves you, but you are still struggling in your heart and thinking about this one who has left you. It may take time to get rid of what you may consider to be love. It would be better to concentrate on your new girlfriend and build up your present relationship. I wish you well.


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