I feel guilty about wanting sex

January 20, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I am asking you for your advice. I am 21 and I am a Christian. I go to church often, but I have a problem. I often feel for sex. I asked some of the girls who are in church and who are my age if that happens to them. Some of them said yes. I asked them what they did and they say they tried to take their minds off of it. Two of the girls told me that they had boyfriends and sometimes they went to their houses and had sex; but they felt guilty about it after. One of the girls told me that I was having this struggle because I was not sanctified.

Pastor, I know I have tried to please the Lord and I read my Bible and pray every day. I don't call guys and tell them that I want sex, but sometimes the sexual feeling is very strong. There is a brother in the church who I like and he likes me. He told me so but I did not tell him that I liked him too. He sends me nice text messages but I know that another girl in the church likes him. I asked him if he likes her and he said not as much as me.

Why is it these feelings are not going away permanently? I am trying to please the Lord. It has been a long time since I have had sex. Sometimes I dream that I am having sex and I feel so guilty. Is it wrong to dream about these things because I am a Christian? I will be looking in THE STAR every day for your answer. Thank you for reading my letter.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

First of all, let me tell you that I am glad that you are a Christian and that you are endeavouring to live an upright Christian life.

I want you to know that being a Christian does not mean that all the feelings will disappear. It is normal for you to occasionally feel the desire to have sex. Do not allow anybody to tell you that because you are having these feelings that you are not sanctified. I have known preachers to preach that, but they are not speaking the truth. They are lying. Perhaps they do not know better. But every human being, male or female, will sometimes have the desire for sex. When some people feel the sexual urge, they go into the bathroom and have cold showers. One of the persons I counsel told me that she has beaten her vagina when it jumps. It may sound amazing to some, but that is how she described the feelings to me.

I don't want you to condemn yourself by believing that it is because you are not sanctified why you are having these feelings. These are normal feelings and I suppose that these feelings will come and go until you die. The Apostle Paul said that one has to keep his body under control and you, too, should learn to do the same. So, even when you feel the desire to have sex, you will not have to yield to the desires. The Bible also says that it is better for a person to get married than to burn with passion. But that does not mean that you can just go out and marry any man, because some men are not good. Some men will make you very unhappy.

There is a young man in your church who you said likes you, and you like him too. Perhaps in the future both of you can go on a date and you will get to know each other better. But, don't be in a hurry to get married. You haven't said anything about going to school. Try your very best to get yourself some type of skill or education. You will have to learn to support yourself. Work hard on yourself. All the best.


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